I’ve been trying to understand a very strange feeling that surrounds me ever since Mary died.
It’s visceral and physical and envelopes the space of my life.
Words can’t describe it so I was searching for a metaphor or analogy and yesterday morning it came to me.
When people lose a limb they say that even though they know it’s gone – it feels like it’s still there.
That’s kind of how it feels in my life since Mary died.
I know she’s gone but it feels like she’s still here.
And I don’t mean that in a ghost/spirit kind of way.
It’s the strangest feeling and not comfortable at all.
There’s a dissonance in my world that feels like Mary should be in it and she’s not.
Nothing I can do about it but it helps to have an analogy.
Hey Mary, bet you never thought you’d be my phantom friend!
It’s not getting easier.
This morning I sobbed with the pain of you not being here.
Sadness and a deep sense of loss is a note threading my life.